Russian President Vladimir Putin Has a Super Bowl Ring and I Don't and That Sucks

What do you get for the boy who has everything? A Super Bowl ring. 

Look, I'm not saying Putin and I have a lot in common. In many ways, we're very different. For instance, he's a walking human-rights violation and the president of Russia, and last night I ate too much Chinese food and said, "My tum tum hurts." 

But if there's one thing that we do have in common, it's that we both never won a Super Bowl. 

Yet, for whatever reason, he has a Super Bowl ring, and I don't. What, just because you have mysterious ties to the U.S. President, the reality-TV gameshow host of your dreams, I don't get a ring. That's some grade A, top-choice bullshit. 

Here's the story of how Putin got his ring without winning the Super Bowl. 

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  • 01

    Explain.

  • 02

    Yeah, we all would.

    There was a problem rendering this tweet - it may have been deleted.
  • 03

    "Beautiful ring. May I try it on?" "Sure. Can I have the ring back?" "What ring?"

  • 04

    This guy gets it.

  • 05

    I think he was actually like, please don't hurt me, Mr. President.

  • 06

    It was all a big ruse.

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